Today is a day of deep thought for me.
Actually the past few weeks have been.
See I’m affiliated with a group of people and have been for the past 12 years of my life. The last few years though have been really, really hectic and it has been a real challange for me to remain connected to them.
As a believer, I have prayed and fasted and just plain old hoped for things to change and they’ve really only gotten worse.
I have been the subject of ridicule on several occassions (my husband and I), some of it brought on by my own actions and some just lies period. I believe that every person can be a better person and can change, but only if they wish too.
I’ve talked to others who’ve been involved with this group and they have moved on in spite of the slander, bad reporting, and character assasination that they’ve had to endure. While I’m in the mode in my thought process to just “move on” I would be lying to say that I’m not worried about that type of reaction for my husband and I should we decide to move on.
As we grow in life there are things, and situations that will come to test us to see what our character to reveal. I accept that. There are times when you may have to prove yourself a little more than others because of the past mistakes that you’ve made. I don’t agree with it, but I accept that too.
This time though, the things and people that are connected with this group of people tend to leave a bad taste in my mouth. I know that we are suppose to love, that I do know and practice everyday, although sometimes the love part is difficult.
The other day I was sitting and just pondering this group and the only thing I could think of is “when will it ever end?” I am one that seeks and pursues peace in my life. I’m 43 and I believe that having peace is essential to having a productive life.
I really would like to see change and growth happen in this place with this group of people, but I strongly believe that if I don’t disconnect and disconnect soon, my spiritual life and social or natural life with continue to suffer.
I know that it won’t be a right way, in their eyes, for us (hubby and I) to walk away, but I must move on if I am to pursue the happiness that God wants for me. My heart really is no longer there so, I believe in my heart that its time for a