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Bubba

For the past 3 months I have been holding on to hope.  Holding on to the notion that my brother, who I call Bubba, would get better.  When I think back on things, it seems that he had been sick for a long time.  A cold that seemed to linger and a hoarse voice after that.  Another cold, fevers, chills. 

One day back in June, on Fathers Days, I was at my Mom’s house and I saw my brother as he was preparing to go into the downtown area to treat himself to some Father’s Day activities.  I asked him how he felt, He told me that he really wasn’t feeling all that well, but that he wasn’t going to just lay around in the house all day.  So, I told him to have a good time and enjoy himself.

I had spoken with my Mom earlier and she told me that he hadn’t really been feeling well for a couple of weeks.  She said he complained of having back and/or side pain and that it had been difficult for him to breathe.

One day, I think it was a few days later, I got a text from my brother that said he didn’t feel good, not breathing well, and that he was on his way to ER.  He texted me when he got there and said, “they say I’m only breathing with half of a lung.”  I instantly felt a sink in my own chest.  Later they took him and admitted him to the hospital with a diagnosis of Pneumonia.  He was put on oxygen.

A few days later he was still in the hospital and they had been draining the fluid from his lungs and for a minute it seemed that he was on his way to recovery, but they wanted to run more test.  After that set of test, they told us that he had contracted C-Diff infection from the hospital and on top of that they told us he had Mesothelioma.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  They gave us a plan that they had put in place for him to start a healing process.  Not long after that we found out, after he went to another hospital, that it wasn’t Mesothelioma at all….my brother had been diagnosed with Stage 4 Renal Cell Carcinoma.

“What the hell, how in the hell?” were the first thoughts to cross my mind.  The doctor said she didn’t like to give out the “numbers” but she said it could be 6 months to 1 year, maybe longer if he was able to get treatment, and he couldn’t get treatment until the C-Diff infection was cleared up.

Back and forth between home and the hospital he went, and I pretty much, so did my mother, watched as my brother began to deteriorate right before my eyes.  He couldn’t eat because he didn’t like the taste of anything.  On days that he had a taste for something, he couldn’t keep it down.  Then his throat began to get sore and the infection in his belly reoccurred and he ended up back in the hospital.  He was back in there for about 2 weeks and on August 3, 2013 my Bubba died.

Bubba was 49 years old and he was the type of person that was full of life.  I mean I never met a person that had so much life in them the way he did.

He loved to dance, he loved to be with his friends and family and act out old movies that he had seen and became his favorites.  In his lifetime he had been a model and mentor to some.  He was a very creative person.  To watch him just wither away from us has done something to me that I can’t explain.

I’ve heard of people contracting all sorts of cancers and beating it.  I asked God why my brother couldn’t be one of those.  Why couldn’t he be a “survivor”  Why couldn’t he come home well one more time. Why had any of and/or all of this happened in the first place. How long had he been sick.  

They say that this form of cancer is very aggressive….it seems that it took my brother right out of here without so much as giving us the smallest chance to fight.

I’m so torn by all of this.  I sit and just gaze off sometimes because I think that its just not true.  I still have his last text he sent to me on my cell phone when I texted him good morning for the last time, although I didn’t know it would be the last time.  I still expect to see him when I go to my mom’s house.  I still expect to connect with him on Face Book.  So much is going on inside of me right now, and I feel like I’m rambling, but so what.  My Bubba, the one person in the world that I’ve shared a relationship with, outside of my parents, aunts, and uncles, for my entire life is gone.  He’s gone. He’s gone.Image

 
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Posted by on August 17, 2013 in General

 

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Long Time Coming

OH MY Gosh!   So much has happened since the last time I’ve written.

The hubby and I have moved.  Our family (hubby, baby brother (39) Mom) took a family trip to Tennessee to celebrate my aunts 71st birthday.  My oldest brother couldn’t go because he had been in the hospital for 3 weeks with a diagnosis of first Pneumonia then Mesothelioma, then just lung cancer.  We enjoyed the trip as much as possible but always kept in close contact with my oldest brother, we wanted him to go so bad even before he got sick, but even more when we found out, but he couldn’t travel.  He wanted us to go and enjoy ourselves because our family had been planning the trip since January and we would only be gone 2 days, but for me it was two long days.

The good part about it is that we got a chance to take a trip with our mom, which we had never done and she really enjoyed herself.  It was 157 degrees in Tennessee that weekend but we didn’t care.  We got a chance to see family that we hadn’t seen in years and meet some cool new people too. We can’t wait for the next one, but I plan to have my oldest brother with us this time.  I believe God to heal him.

Still doing a lot of reading, studying, and note taking for the love of my life, creating fragrance oils, and skin care products.  Meeting new people that are adding substance to my life and causing me to stretch….that’s always a good thing for me.

I just wanted to stop in and drop a note to connect with you all.  Thanks so much for reading.

So, what have you been up to lately?

 
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Posted by on July 30, 2013 in General

 

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That Time Again

Yes, it’s the time of year that I love most; Fall/Winter.  I don’t know if its because of what it represents, hibernation of nature and renewing itself for the warmer months that are sure to come back, or if it’s because of the changing of colors of the trees, to start anyway, and then the snow that makes everything so beautiful when it first falls.

This time of year does represent something spiritual for me.  I remember a long time ago that somebody told me that the colors that the leaves change to are always there, they just don’t appear until it’s their season, their time.  For some reason this struck me as information straight from God.  I thought to myself, “that’s just like the people of God.”  You know that God has a work for all of us to do, but the timing and release for us to walk in that work isn’t always when we think or desire.  While we are waiting for God to release us, we are molded, cultivated, pruned, trimmed, plucked, planted, fed, and watered.  All those things keep us “green” while the Lord perfects us and when our “season” comes, He releases us and our “colors” come through.

Then when it comes to the snow, it puts me in the mindset of the Blood of Jesus and how he covered, but rather took away our sin.  The snow when it first falls is so white and untouched.  God looks at us through the blood of Jesus and the finished work of the cross, so when the snow falls it always gives me a gentle reminder of what The Father has done for me.

The colors of Fall are so rich and warming. Sometimes I can even detect a hint of Fall fragrance in the air when I see certain colors, just warms me right up on the inside.  Then we have the Christmas season of winter, with the decorations and lights, and festive colors.  It keeps me in a festive, yet creative mood and mindset throughout the whole season.  I love to go to different cities where there are different cultures to see how they decorate and celebrate.

The food, the movies, cartoons, clothes, getting together with friends from near and far, taking silly photos, hugs, kisses, Hot cocoa, sweet potato pie, and a host of other things that just give me a warm fuzzy feeling at this time of year.  Sometimes I wish that I could bottle or box it all up, and open it up to pour out in the middle of summer because for some reason people are more loving, more caring, and more considerate of others at this time of year.  If we could get that going all year, the world would be a better place, but that’s wishful thinking.

Thank you for taking the time to read my thoughts.  I hope you have an Amazing Day!

 
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Posted by on November 10, 2012 in General, Spiritual Encouragement

 

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My 911

11 years ago on this date at 8:45am I was at work.  My Supervisor came running out of the back office screaming “Oh My God, A plane just hit the World Trade Center!”  I thought to myself “how in the world could somebody be that blind?”  Before I could turn to continue my work somebody else said “you’ve got to be kidding, another one!”   Immediately I thought about the sermon that the Pastor of my former church had preached just that Sunday.  He talked about us being on the verge of war and how we should make sure we have ourselves lined up with God’s Will for our lives.  He said Jesus was coming and we didn’t know when but He is coming.

On July 17th my now husband had just asked me to marry him and we had only been engaged two months at this point.  Fear began to grip me.  I thought that I wouldn’t have a chance to see him again.  I thought I wouldn’t get the chance to walk down the aisle and actually become his wife.  At that point the phone rang and it was his voice on the line that I heard.  He asked if I was ok. I said, “no, I’m scared!” ” Are we going to be able to get married?”  I remember saying “I guess it’s started” He assured me that we would get married and told me that he understood me being scared but I had to trust God.  So I prayed and did just that.  Of course everyday from that point I asked God to take the fear away from me because it was very real.

While at work, and while I was still on the phone with him, our secretary came running and screaming “they just hit the Pentagon”…I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.  I called my mom to check on her.  I wanted to go home.  I didn’t feel like working anymore that day.  I wanted to be with the people that I loved.  I felt kind of dazed and sick the rest of the day, but I got through it.

When I did get home that day, I sat with my mom and watched the news as they gave account after account of the Towers Burning and finally falling to the ground.  I saw people jumping, I heard people screaming and crying.  Everybody looked the same though.  The smoke and ash covered all of their faces.

For a brief moment the human race had become one color.  Heroes were made that day, but so were widows, and widowers, people lost mothers and fathers and sisters and brothers and it was just an awful feeling to me.  To look at the city of people dealing with what had happened and see how it changed and would continue to change them forever just broke my heart and right there in front of the tv as the Towers fell I cried.  I cried for The City, I cried for The People, I cried for The Families, I cried for Our Country.

 
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Posted by on September 11, 2012 in General

 

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Being——-Human

So many times we are referred to, and it is true, as human beings.
Lately though, I have found myself existing as a “human DOING.”
Doing this, doing that, planning for this, finishing up that, looking at this, finding that…just always moving and/or doing.

Even in my quiet time with God this morning I found myself struggling to bring my mind in and concentrate on Him. I’m normally able to just zero right in with Him and get my refreshing for the day. I found myself thinking of what I needed to do as I came out of my time with Him and really having to pull myself back in. I just wanted quiet. For about the last week, and especially the last few days, I have been looking for quietness. Stillness. Nothingness. No conversation. No plans. No list. No needs. No wants….Just longing for a place within myself of still and quiet.
The phone rings, and I glance at it as though it is a literal enemy. “I don’t wanna talk to anybody” I say to myself. “I don’t want any reports, whether they are good, bad, mediocre or otherwise. I’m feeling really good on the inside. I have a spirit of great expectation, but I still just want Quiet, Nothing, Stillness.

I know that as the day progresses I’ll have to come out of my little cocoon I’ve created in the morning to bring a balance to myself, but if I could just have it a little longer, and a little more often.

What do you do to bring your balance back with the world seems too loud around you?

 
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Posted by on July 22, 2012 in General, Spiritual Encouragement

 

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Get Inspired!

Happy New Day to you! How was your weekend? Did you get out and do something inspiring or encouraging?

I got a chance, for the second week in a row, to go to an art and craft show outdoors. One week it was Farmington Hills, MI and this past weekend it was Berkley, MI Art Bash.

I love going to art shows and craft shows because just to be able to get into an enviroment where the focus is things made by or put together by the hands and minds of creative people is inspiring for me. I create things all the time and write so, my creative ability flows, but sometimes I just like to get out and see what others are doing. I like to see the passion that drives others to do what they do.
The art show that hubby and I went to in Farmington Hills thrilled me because my husband got a chance to see exactly what he is able to do with his art photography. I’ve been pressing him for a couple years to do something with the beautiful photos that he has taken, but for him to be able to see what I’ve been talking about all this time made me happy because his eyes just glowed with inspiration and made him ready to jump to it. He has created some beautiful photos for friends and family and even a couple ministries that we’ve been affliated with, but nothing really for monetary purposes. I always think about the prophet Elijah when he asked the woman “what do you have in your house?” when she came to him with a debt delima.

When we set out this weekend we actually got to enjoy the Detroit Institute of Arts, of which I haven’t been since 3rd grade (shame on me). It wasn’t the art that drew us there, but the Friday Night Live Jazz Series featuring one of my favorite local jazz bands. Honestly since I didn’t really go for the art I need to go again and just take it all in. I did see some beautiful pieces so, I will be making a return trip soon. Then Saturday we went to the Berkley Art Bash. It was kind of small, but that’s ok with me. I like small mangable type events sometimes. It allows you to take in everything around you and really enjoy what the small town or city has to offer. We spoke with some beautiful people and saw art made from things like glass and wood to hand crafted candles and housewares made from things like granite and yarn, copper and brass, recycled materials and some things that you would never think, at least I wouldn’t, could be made into art and sold…We even found a new little place to get some good food. Actually it was two places. One was a mom and pop type place and another was a bar and grill. The smoke free atmosphere that we have in Michigan now in the bar and grills make it easy for us to enjoy some good food in a place we wouldn’t normally go to avoid coming out smelling like smoke.
So, I say next time you’re feeling a little blue and want a change of scenery, find an art show or something similar in your area and Get Inspired.
What have you done to get inspired lately?

 
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Posted by on June 11, 2012 in General

 

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Still Thinking Like A Lady

The very thought of this movie makes me laugh. I don’t mean that in a bad way, I mean it in the best of the best ways.

April 20th was my 10 year anniversary and my husband and I went to the movies. Now let me just say that I love romantic comedies. He on the other hand does not. He will watch one with me if I ask, but I hardly ever ask because I don’t like to watch a movie with someone when they keep falling asleep. LOL. He is a science fiction, action/adventure, straight up hero type of movie man. I love that about him because I have come to love those too, thanks to him.

Ok, so anyway, at his recommendation, when we get to the theater he says “let’s see Act Like a Lady Think Like A Man” At first I was reluctant because I thought it was going to be a man bash/woman bash type of movie. I was sooooooooooo wrong.

I thoroughly enjoyed this movie. Yes, it did give up some of the secrets that men have held dear for centuries, but it didn’t let the women off the hook that easily either. What I loved about this movie is that first, my hubby stayed awake through the whole thing, LOL. Second, it really did have us laughing uncontrolably out loud. I mean I laughed liked I haven’t laughed in a long time at a movie that wasn’t a cartoon…yes, we love those too, espesically Disney Pixar. Third, this movie made you take a look at yourself and how you may be contributing to the success or downfall of any relationship, not just between men and women, but in your freindships with other people too.

All in all this movie was well balanced in my opinion. It drew your attention to the fact that men and women must be willing to compromise in the relationship to make happiness a reality. I give it 6 thumbs up, but because I only have 2, I give it two high fives. 🙂

Did you see this movie? I would love to know what you thought of it…no bashing please.

 
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Posted by on April 24, 2012 in General

 

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